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Posts Tagged ‘Frustration’

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.”

Matthew 13:44

This verse shows the correct response of someone who understands God’s crazy relentless love for us. I will admit I wasn’t a huge fan of this chapter. The majority of the chapter is Francis Chan describing a list of lukewarm Christians. The list goes on and on. So was my frustration because the chapters drags on too long or because I saw myself in this list? I definitely know I’m not the perfect Christian. The chapter gives some valid points on how lukewarm Christians can be a distraction to those who want to sincerely follow Jesus. I have the same frustrations with Pastors and churches that are more concerned with numbers and preaching a “seeker friendly” message to attract viewers or with Christians whose faith is just for show. Jesus spoke in parables to weed out those who weren’t interested in the truth of the gospel (not because He didn’t care about them).

I think for me, I don’t want to just be living for God out of conviction or to live up to a standard. I don’t want a desire to just be “good enough”. All I have to do is think back to when God rescued me and how patient He has been with me since then to know He loves me. I want to pursue God with my whole being and have all my actions flow out of a heart for Him. I know the only way to live this life for God (and not of one who is half-hearted) is to truly love Him. I pray everyday I am in awe of how great and how good God is.

“We love because He first loved us”

1 John 4:49

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Frustration

I’ve been very irritable lately. This has been going on for nearly 2 weeks. The crazy thing is that I’ve been on vacation for 2 weeks. Is being on vacation making me irritable? I don’t feel very refreshed. I can’t pinpoint what is wrong with me. I can’t sleep. I keep getting headaches. I wake up at around 3am and I feel so much is on my mind (in fact it is 2:45am right now).

I know I need to make my life more organized. I have stepped back in some of my ministries. It has been good. But I don’t feel organized at home. I can never find anything. I have been getting rid of ’stuff’ lately. I keep running across things I really don’t need. But I really don’t how to do this. It has been very stressful. I’ve enjoyed having the kids for spring break this week, yet I don’t get much accomplished when I have them for long periods of time either. They go back to school today. I will miss this time with them, but I also know I need time to myself.

I am noticing that I have become very short with people. I’m hearing this from others as well. My patience has recently run out. I have had little patience in leading my small groups. I have little patience when I drive. It’s not getting better. I’m at a point where I just want to be alone. I really don’t like this feeling.

I have one more week of vacation. I want to get to the bottom of this feeling. Only way I know how is to make this week about God. I don’t have too much going on, so I have no excuses in making time for Him. I’m hoping to find myself deep in the Word and deep in meditation. I need to relax and take things one at a time this week. I need to focus on Him.

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