Living a life that Matters

I have been wanting to write this entry for a while now, but I’m always afraid my words won’t come out the way it is suppose to when I write from my heart. I want to make sure I sound genuine and not sound like I’m boasting. That’s what this blog site is all about to begin with – just writing about my struggles in life and how I am seeing God work in the process. I try to keep things about me and not others because I don’t know what goes on in other people’s heads. I have been deep in scripture reading and prayer for a few weeks now and I keep experiencing weight and convictions from the Spirit. And as the weeks go by, I am finding myself sobbing more and more. I’m feeling the Holy Spirit really working in me and guiding my thoughts and actions. It’s been a really crazy emotional ride for some time now.

As I read the Bible, God is big. Bigger than anything I can ever fathom. God can do anything that seems impossible to me. I know he has his sovereign will – basically it’s his will that will get accomplished no matter what. But then there is his moral will – the will that we submit to as believers. It’s our obedient response to him and circumstances that are to line up with prayer, our experiences and what scripture says. Where I am getting emotional is that I keep asking myself the same question – Do I really believe God is sovereign? Do I really believe God can make the impossible possible? Honestly, almost majority of the time it’s no. I know that because I can see that over and over in my life in the choices I make and how I handle things.

God has really been working in me. I’ve had to ask myself if I truly believe I deserve his grace because I know I won’t experience it until I know I believe that it is there for me to have free of charge. This is where true change and healing begins with the scars of life I hang onto. But most of all, I need to believe that the same grace is available for other people too because I find myself down a path where I look at others and situations and think I can justify myself with my thoughts that things won’t ever change because I don’t trust God is big enough. God is too big and too powerful for me to not ever believe he can restore and redeem anything or anyone.

So as I study God’s word, he keeps me from looking ahead to the other side. It’s too easy for me to draw up my own plan and think I know God’s will down the road and get myself excited about that. This so goes against scripture – God’s preparation and calling is timely in each moment of the day. I don’t want to miss what he is doing now, today. I want to experience God’s grace and power in this moment and join him with what he can and is about to do. So I have been committing myself to pray diligently because I don’t want to control or do anything that short-changes God’s sovereign power. I am going to pray that the gospel will change all that is wrong and all that is broken every moment I can. I’m going to pray that God provides opportunities that I can join in that only he can make happen. I have been holding prayer sessions all over the place with people I trust and people who truly believe in God’s power because I believe strength comes in numbers when we pray. We had a long prayer session last night praying for God’s intercession. Even my prayers with my good guy friends have ended up with both of us sobbing. When guys cry like that, the Spirit is there and moving. I believe God is big and I’m going to trust he can do anything regardless how I want life to work out for myself. I gotta believe this with all my heart and soul. All he his asking me is to be obedient to his moral will and keep up the fight. I truly believe in the gospel and what grace can do. Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross to redeem us and giving us hope.