Living a life that Matters

I really have been loving sitting on my balcony and having the time to write and journal. I really have been living in God’s presence with all this time. It has brought so much peace and calmness to me. It’s funny writing these blogs and not knowing who reads them and what they think. My blog stats say I have a large following, but I try to not pay too much attention to that. My hope is that this site will inspire people to live an epic life as I wrestle through my own life.

I love going to movies. I usually go to the big blockbuster movies with all the special effects. It’s really how I justify paying the high admission prices these days. But tonight I saw a really good movie. I usually don’t do movie reviews, but I really walked away feeling like this movie touched my heart. I saw “We bought a Zoo” with Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson. I really like both these actors and they are both great in the movie. Even though I love animals and that made most of the movie enjoyable for me, I found myself relating to Matt Damon’s character in so many that I found myself choked up on more than one occasion during the film. This rarely happens to me with movies.

He plays a single father who just lost his wife and is raising two kids (been there..). He is learning to cope with his loss, yet at the same time he is trying to raise his kids and help them cope with life as well. In times like these, it is hard to try to be strong for your kids and at the same time grieve your loss. His character has such a good heart and he was trying to do his best despite multiple failures and bad decisions. I get this and I too have a good heart for people and my family. I really do work hard to be there and provide for my family. But you know, life hurts. And at times I guess you do get to a point where you feel you are owed something after some time for how much you have given. It’s a dangerous place to be and it can make you very selfish. Christ modeled absolute humility and love for others through his hardship and accusations. So I am learning to find my peace as well in Christ as I process through single parenting and life’s difficulties.

Matt Damon’s character really has a hard time letting go of his wife. It’s a huge struggle for him. This is something God has really been working in me – letting go and moving forward. But letting go doesn’t mean you forget. Through my counseling lately, I have noticed this tendency that I have to want to rescue people and latch on to them. I don’t like to give up and that ‘not give up’ attitude can become controlling if I’m not careful. God is teaching me to let go and trust him to do the work in others, especially to those that don’t want or see that they need rescue. That rescue belongs to him (Col 1:13). I know he will use my heart of mercy for good, but I have to maintain the balance of also allowing the Spirit to do his work as well so the glory goes to God and not me.

I’m feeling blessed in seeing how God is working lately. People who have known me for some time keep reminding me of who I am and to just ‘be yourself’ and to ‘be real’. He has opened opportunities for me to use my heart for mercy in the world with all the different situations and people he has brought in my life. But he is also working in my family too. Both my kids are really connecting with me and I have seen so much growth and change in them lately. My siblings and I have really been bonding together after years of difficulties in our family. My sister has led such a tough life and I am finally connecting with her through the custody battle she is going through. It’s been the big break I have been looking for and I’m trying to help her maintain some peace through it. I have seen my own son reach out to his cousin who has recently found himself in some hot water lately and I am happy to see that love and care for others in him. God is using me and my display of humility to work in my intermediate family and to those around me. I have come to realize that this is where God put me and this is where he wants to use me at this point in my life.

God is working and seeing this movie has actually been a little reminder of that. I love seeing the blessings flow through my family and the bonds being formed through our trials. God’s timing is always perfect and he just requires us to trust in him and stay in constant prayer when times seem uncertain.