Living a life that Matters

I’m tired. I’m tired of letting Satan getting the best of me. I’m tired of spiritual attacks. Ever feel that no matter how good you are or how good your intentions are, the world is still against you? I work hard at everything I do. I try to be the best person I can. Yet I don’t feel that way. No matter how I hard I try, I feel everyone points the finger at me.

I’m worn out and beat. Yet I continue to push myself. I’m tired of making mistakes. I’m tired of putting myself in temptations way. When I feel like I have life all figured out, I realize I really don’t. Even tough I continue to do the things I’m suppose to do to life myself up, I get knocked down.

So what have I been doing? I’ve been hiding out. I’m running. My hope is that if I just stay away from the world, it will all go away. But it hasn’t. The world has found me. Either through my cellphone or laptop or a knock on the door. There is no safety in hiding out. Life finds you and eats at you.

This week I have received at least ten out of the blue encouraging emails, phone calls, or texts. People come up to me and hug me and tell me they are praying for me. I don’t ask for this. It just happens. And what do I do? I shrug them off. I smile and walk away. I have a thick shell around me. I won’t let anyone in. Its wrong. These amazing people are people who God is using to tell me ‘Trav… I’m here for you’. I need to embrace them. Friends are a blessing from God, why ignore the blessings he gives us?

So after a very frustrating day yesterday, I did that. I had lunch with one of my heroes in life, Chris Simning. I needed that. I needed to know someone was on my side. I needed to know that someone wasn’t just going to look at my surrounding situation and take a look at my heart. Get to know me for who I am. I need someone to believe in me. I want someone to see what God continues to do in my life.

Its my first steps to healing…

I miss my kids. I won’t get into details, but because of a messy situation I haven’t seen them in 5 weeks. It has been rough. But it has allowed me to prioritize my life. My kids haven’t been my main focus the past 5 months. I put my needs in front of them. Of course I need to take care of myself, but I completely ignored their needs. It was wrong of me. And I’m paying the price.

I have learned patience along the was. Probably my biggest struggle. I’m very impatient. I don’t like to wait. I have learned that there is so much to learn and grow from being patient. It’s not easy, but I’m learning. It gives me an opportunity to turn to my Bible for strength.

I love Ron Merrell. He spoke an amazing message last. I needed a Ron Merrell sermon last night. I love that he made all of on production stop what we were doing and just sit with the rest of the group and just listen. I loved the message he tried to convey

Stop just doing… and start being.

For me, I’m still doing the walk. But I haven’t been that person that is doing the walk. I know who God wants me to be. But I’m not being that person. I’m going through the motions. I’m not allowing the things I’m involved in, the people in my life, and most importantly, the great God of the universe to consume and shape me. And they are all there for me at my disposal.

I’m tired of saying my prayer life sucks. Ok.. it does suck. So what am I going to do about it? I’m going to pray about it. My time with God? I going to seek him out. I need him. Life sucks. I need to take advantage of the people he puts in my life. I need to take advantage of the accountability in my life and stay away from temptation.

Spiritual attacks will always come at me. I made a stand for Christ late two and a half years ago. I am now a spiritual leader in my church. But I am human. But I have this awesome God who continues to whisper in my ear. He hasn’t given up on me. He keeps recharging me. He keeps telling me to get up and move forward. He lets me know that he right there along side of me. I am so grateful for that. I am blessed.

Thank you God for not giving up.