Living a life that Matters

Divorce is so hard to go through. When people file for divorce, most of them think it is an easy way out. They think freedom. They think the grass is greener on the other side. But it’s not…
Divorce changed my life. I lost the love of my life. I saw my kids goes through a lot of pain. It hurt. But I found a new love. Divorce brought me to Jesus.
And now I have seen it bring my friend to Jesus. His story reaffirms me how great God is. It tells me there is a God and he can do amazing things with people.
July of last year. I am working part-time in the church cafe. It was pretty dead in the summer. I was the only one at church one afternoon. No staff, no customers, nobody.
A gentlemen comes walking through the door. He had a blank stare on his face. He walked up to me and very softly spoke to me and ask if there was a pastor or counselor available to speak to. I told him that there was no one at the church except me. He thanked me and walked away. He looked discouraged. I began to think to myself  Travis…don’t let him walk away. I then yelled out “Hey man… I’m no counselor, but I can talk if you need someone to chat with”. He stopped and turned around and came back. His facial expression looked too familiar to me. He then quietly said to me … “my wife left me. I just got divorce papers.” My heart then went out to him. The pain of when I was shocked with papers came back. I excused myself from him for a second and cried. Then I prayed and asked for strength and wisdom. I came back and we talked. I asked him if he came to this church. He was from Singapore and moved here to marry his wife a couple of years ago. He had no friends or family here. He had never been to church. Yet he was driving around and felt something telling him to pull into our church. He basically told me that he didn’t know what else to do.
Tom Stone, one of our counselor, stopped in to pick something up. I immediately grabbed him and told him about Victor. He then sat with him and talked with him. Tom then went into the bookstore and grabbed a Bible. That day Victor gave his life to Christ. It was an amazing God moment.
Victor would come in 2-3 times a week to come and chat with me.Our stories were all too familiar. Every situation he was going through, I went through in my divorce. His wife’s behavior patterns matched my ex’s. I related to almost everything he was going through. I had just started a group for divorce people. He joined my group. He also joined DivorceCare, a support group for people just going through divorce. A program that helped me. He didn’t understand, but he was making all the crucial right steps in dealing with this.
A few months later, I ran into Victor at a BBQ. He chatted some about life. He was going through some tough times still. I told him about spiritual warfare and how Satan is going to do anything to discourage his new-found faith. He then told me about the first day running into me at the cafe. He told me that stopping at the church was his last stop. That he had given up on hope. He said if that hadn’t worked out, he wasn’t sure what he would have done. My heart stopped. Yet I knew God intervened in his life and he answered that call. God had a bigger plan in his life.
Victor would come and go in my group. I would see him from time to time. He then came to me around Christmas time and said his wife wanted him back. He was putting his hope that she would come around. I told him to be careful and to make sure that they got counsel before he moved forward (believe me I fell for this and got burned). Well, after a few weeks, she did the same. Victor was in pain all over again. I really felt for him. Yet everyone in the divorce group really reached out to him and helped him pull through that. The amount of love and care that was demonstrated was amazing. It is a truly amazing group of people.
Victor then had spinal cord surgery around that time. He was laid out for some time. Yet he was still going through his divorce process. It was a tough time for him. He really struggled with his faith during this time. His wife was still ruthless to him during his hospital stay. He felt like giving in and letting her have everything. He was physically and emotionally exhausted. We all tried to encourage him and keep his spirits high. Victor hung in there despite his physical and emotional pain.
Victor called me this past Wednesday night. He couldn’t sleep (he was sleeping on someone’s couch because he let his wife have the house). His trial was the next day. He just had radiation treatment as well. I gave Victor the only advice I knew.. Portray yourself as a man of honor and as a man of Christ in that courtroom. Do not respond or react to anything negative she says, but stand up for your rights and for your rights to your son. Know that God is control. As a group that night, we all took turns praying for him. Encouraging emails to him went out on our email list.
Victor called me after the trial. He was upset. He was driving around and was crying. He was thinking about the happier times of his marriage and how all of that was lost.  I told him it was ok. I cried after my divorce as well. No one wins in divorce. Its ugly and its difficult. Its amazing the power of the tongue and how hurtful words can damage someone. Yet Victor was ready to close that chapter of his life.
Victor’s wife said hurtful things to him in court. She wanted everything. Yet Victor stood strong that day.  His wife broke down and lost her composure. Victor almost gave in because he saw her cry, but he remembered the awful things she did to him. He didn’t retaliate. He told her:

"I am sad and heart-broken to hear that you think of me in
this light. I want you to know the day I left you and Ethan to
go back to Singapore was the saddest day in my life. Since then
all our efforts and dreams had been to get back together again
as a family. You and I both know we got married because we were
in love. I didn't do this for the green card or money. I hope
you can see that."

She broke down. The judge leaned in his favor. Yet Victor knew that no one ultimately won. Only Christ. Christ was there in that courtroom. Victor is now a child of God. And he demonstrated himself as a man of God in court that day. I truly believe that Victor will understand all of this someday. He will understand someday why he went through this. I am so proud of him. I am blessed to call him my friend. He shows me that God can work in anyone.
Victor sent out an email the next day to our divorce group. He called us his new family. We are the body of Christ and we are called to lift each other up during tough times. This story is an amazing demonstration of how Christ loves us and picks us up when we are down.