Living a life that Matters

I’ve always been an unselfish person. I’m a pretty giving person. I love being there for people. Its how God designed me. If you need something, I make every effort to be there. I honestly love that God made me that way. I am kind of a one-man show. I’m pretty connected with people. I have a home church and two others that I attend here and there. I just love plugging in and getting to know all different people. I’m a deep and caring person, but at the same time pretty happy-go-lucky. It’s just how I am wired. But I get the most out of my alone time with God. It’s where I draw my strength. Then last summer, I went through some hard times. I for once was roughing it and was in need. I really didn’t get much help from anyone. Maybe I didn’t communicate my needs very well to anyone. But then I began to hear from people to start doing things for myself. That I don’t do enough to meet my own needs. This was a lot of pressure on me. I guess we all have needs and wants that have to be met. Well, I really didn’t know how to do that. It felt selfish to me. But I thought I’d try, but more out of pressure. I was once a pretty big risk taker earlier in life. But in recent years, I’ve become more mild of a risk taker. But I gambled on meeting on what I thought were my wants and needs. Everything backfired. Everything that I pursued and desired has fell apart. This will make it difficult for me to do this again. With the exception of one thing… Jesus. I do need Jesus more than ever in my life. He’s really all I need. Maybe this was his way of saying to me that he was all I needed. I know Satan can twist our needs and wants. Only God knows what is best.

I have sought spiritual counsel lately. More because I’m trying to figure out how I am wired. In the past month I have also taken a spiritual gifts class, a love languages test, and a placement exam that examines our gifts and abilities and determines how they can be put to use in church. Between the counseling sessions and these exams, I have learned quite a bit about myself. A lot of who I am relates directly to my relationship with my father. Sometimes I forget about my childhood with him because we have patched things up in the past few years. But he is a huge reason why I seek to help others and why I take life so seriously. I have the gift of mercy. It is my biggest gift. Then pastoral/shepherding, exhortation, evangelism and service. I guess I am kind of social as well (haha!) according to one exam. But outreach and building relationships are what motivate me. Those are the things I’m passionate about.
So I’m trying to figure out God’s will in my life and what all of this means. I think sometimes we sit in a quiet room and pray for God to reveal His will to us. Then we wait and wait. Well.. It doesn’t happen that way. God usually reveals His will to us as we are doing what we already know what to do. I personally find it easier that way anyway because I am not the most patient person. But as I continue to wait and trust Him, I have decided to change up my ministries a bit. I feel stagnant in some of them and have opportunities to explore new ones. Plus I want to keep continuing to keep my load somewhat light. Missions has been huge to me this year. I am taking a mission-based class right now and I start missionary training through Face to Face International in April. I have 3 amazing mission trip opportunities on my plate that I will be able to pray about. So I feel God really pulling me this direction. I also will continue to work with singles and youth in some capacity. This week alone I have had several moments where God put new people in my life that I was able to share my testimony with. I really felt God saying this is what I made you for.. reaching out to others. And after many fears, doubts and procrastinations, I have started my application process for Bible college as well. I will send it out and see what God does with it. I must say that I love the direction God is pulling me toward. He really does amazing stuff with us when we listen and obey.

As for my wants and needs…

All I know is God blesses those who pursue Him and stay faithful. He knows my needs and I know he will someday bless me in those areas as long as I keep making Him the center of my life.